Deeper connections are the key to better sex, more laughter, shorter arguments, and an overall sense of wellbeing.
This is a simple formula (maybe overly simplified) for helping foster a deeper connection via conversations. Deeper connections don’t have to involve intense, multi-hour heart-to-hearts, or arguments. This formula is a tool to help create a greater sense of closeness, even in basic chats between you and your loved one.
Information
Emotion
“Attachify”
Information- Share a bit of information. It doesn’t have to be big or important. Really anything will do, but this is especially important when your partner asks you about your day/you/your life. EXAMPLES: “I got a lot done at work today.” “I read an article about climate change.” “There was so much traffic on my way home today.”
Emotion- Again, this doesn’t have to be complex, just 1 or 2 emotional words that come up for you regarding the information you shared. EXAMPLES: “I feel pleased and proud that I got so much done today.” “Reading about climate change is upsetting and/or confusing for me.” “All that traffic made me feel so frustrated and a little bit tired.”
Attachify- Yes, this is a made up word in the world of couple’s therapy. The idea is to create a connection. Explaining how the information and emotion impact the connection between you and your partner. EXAMPLES: “I feel pleased that I got so much done because it means I will be able to have more fun with you this weekend.” “Even though climate change stresses me out, I’m glad that we have each other.” “The frustration of all that traffic might make it hard for me to connect with you this evening until I relax a little bit.”
For most people, the hardest part of this formula is going to be the “Attachifying.” This is probably because its a little bit vulnerable to talk directly about your connection to your partner (hence, that’s what helps make it deeper).
A deeper connection doesn’t just happen by accident. It definitely doesn’t happen by just continuing to do everything the exact same way. It also doesn’t happen by trying this formula once or twice. This is a formula to add to your daily interactions and if applied day after day, you will find yourself feeling closer to your partner.
As you read this, if you can’t imagine “attachifying” things with your partner, then it probably means you have some pretty big barriers to vulnerability. If that’s the case, then you will probably need some assistance, in couples counseling, to begin implementing this formula.
